This is something I've thought about making for a while and after some consideration I thought it would be best to post this thread. I don't know if people expect or want me to post or say this sort of stuff, but here it is either way. I've been a member of this community for over 5 years now and have been reasonably involved it for at least 3 of those years and I've seen and said a lot in my time. I've met lots of really great and nice people, had loads of fun playing games and talking to people on Discord and overall, had a blast.
However at some point that started to change. I felt distant and it felt like everyone was out to get me. I got more and more aggressive and angry and started attacking people even if they didn't mean harm. I became the sort of person I never wanted to be, and I hurt a lot of people. My reasons for this? I still don't fully know. My mental health has been extremely poor and I've had a lot of issues with my home life but these shouldn't be excuses for my behaviour. I've hurt everyone, from random strangers to the people I was close to. I don't want to make myself out to be the victim here because I'm not.
I've had a lot of changes in my life the past few months, from starting college (UK college - not university), getting into therapy and working on myself as a person. I've come to realise the awful things I've done for people and while I know a simple apology won't atone for the things I've done, I want to show that I'm willing to accept what I did wrong and you are all more than free to call me out for it, now and in the future. I also wanted to show that I'm willing to and trying to slowly but surely change who I am to be the better version of myself, someone respectful, calm, constructive, friendly, approachable, welcoming and mature.
Now I'm not saying that I've changed overnight to be the perfect person. I most definitely still have good and bad days, like everyone else, but I'm more in control of myself and aware of how I'm acting towards others - especially on the bad days. I also still have some things about me that will take time to change but I want them to change and become better. I might stumble at times, but I promise you all I won't give up and revert to who I used to be.
To start me off, there are some people I've been especially unpleasant or hurtful to and so here are some more personalised apologies for some people, I'm really sorry. I'm not saying here that I've not hurt anyone else, but these are just some of the people I've hurt the most.
To summarise - I know I've been an awful person, and I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart for all the people I've hurt and made feel bad. I want to and am trying to change, but I know I won't be perfect instantly. If you ever think I do something wrong, please feel free to let me know so that I can grow to be a better person. Thanks for reading this if you did, it means a lot to know you're listening to what I have to say, no matter how insignificant it might be. If you want to tell me if I've done something wrong or bad, please feel free to contact me on the forums and Discord and I'm more than willing to listen and understand how to grow more as a person so that I don't mess up anymore in the future.
However at some point that started to change. I felt distant and it felt like everyone was out to get me. I got more and more aggressive and angry and started attacking people even if they didn't mean harm. I became the sort of person I never wanted to be, and I hurt a lot of people. My reasons for this? I still don't fully know. My mental health has been extremely poor and I've had a lot of issues with my home life but these shouldn't be excuses for my behaviour. I've hurt everyone, from random strangers to the people I was close to. I don't want to make myself out to be the victim here because I'm not.
I've had a lot of changes in my life the past few months, from starting college (UK college - not university), getting into therapy and working on myself as a person. I've come to realise the awful things I've done for people and while I know a simple apology won't atone for the things I've done, I want to show that I'm willing to accept what I did wrong and you are all more than free to call me out for it, now and in the future. I also wanted to show that I'm willing to and trying to slowly but surely change who I am to be the better version of myself, someone respectful, calm, constructive, friendly, approachable, welcoming and mature.
Now I'm not saying that I've changed overnight to be the perfect person. I most definitely still have good and bad days, like everyone else, but I'm more in control of myself and aware of how I'm acting towards others - especially on the bad days. I also still have some things about me that will take time to change but I want them to change and become better. I might stumble at times, but I promise you all I won't give up and revert to who I used to be.
To start me off, there are some people I've been especially unpleasant or hurtful to and so here are some more personalised apologies for some people, I'm really sorry. I'm not saying here that I've not hurt anyone else, but these are just some of the people I've hurt the most.
@Story - I know we've disagreed and argued a lot of the past, and I do still disagree with some of your opinions on some things but that doesn't excuse how I've treated you, acted towards you and spoken about you. You're a good person who's heart is definitely in the right place, and often I've just been stupid, ignorant and dumb and I'm sincerely sorry for all I've done. You're a great person and a great admin and I hope you stay for at least a while longer, as you're one of the people who really makes this community as good as it is.
@Younisco - We don't talk as often as I'd like, but you're a great person and a good friend. Not only are you helpful for all sorts of random requests, but you do a great job as an admin and you really help lead this community in the right direction. I'm sorry for everything, from pushing you away due to my own insecurities to how I battered you behind the scenes and I know I really shouldn't have. I wish you all the best and look forward to what's coming up for this community.
@Keanu - I said a lot of stuff I shouldn't to you, and I pushed you away and I'm really sorry. You're a good person and a great friend, and I honestly miss talking to you. I hope the world is treating you well and a late congrats again on your position.
@VoidedCara - You're one of the best friends I have, and despite that I've push you away, said horrible things to you and acted selfishly and aggressively towards you when I shouldn't have. I hope I can earn back your trust and we can be close friends again.
@Marieke2001 - You and I disagree on a lot, and I know I drive you to hell with some of the things I say and I'm sorry for how I acted, I said things I shouldn't have and I regret it. You're a good person and I hope we can talk like friends again in the future.
@Younisco - We don't talk as often as I'd like, but you're a great person and a good friend. Not only are you helpful for all sorts of random requests, but you do a great job as an admin and you really help lead this community in the right direction. I'm sorry for everything, from pushing you away due to my own insecurities to how I battered you behind the scenes and I know I really shouldn't have. I wish you all the best and look forward to what's coming up for this community.
@Keanu - I said a lot of stuff I shouldn't to you, and I pushed you away and I'm really sorry. You're a good person and a great friend, and I honestly miss talking to you. I hope the world is treating you well and a late congrats again on your position.
@VoidedCara - You're one of the best friends I have, and despite that I've push you away, said horrible things to you and acted selfishly and aggressively towards you when I shouldn't have. I hope I can earn back your trust and we can be close friends again.
@Marieke2001 - You and I disagree on a lot, and I know I drive you to hell with some of the things I say and I'm sorry for how I acted, I said things I shouldn't have and I regret it. You're a good person and I hope we can talk like friends again in the future.
To summarise - I know I've been an awful person, and I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart for all the people I've hurt and made feel bad. I want to and am trying to change, but I know I won't be perfect instantly. If you ever think I do something wrong, please feel free to let me know so that I can grow to be a better person. Thanks for reading this if you did, it means a lot to know you're listening to what I have to say, no matter how insignificant it might be. If you want to tell me if I've done something wrong or bad, please feel free to contact me on the forums and Discord and I'm more than willing to listen and understand how to grow more as a person so that I don't mess up anymore in the future.
