I need your help...

[Aimee2323]

How is a battle scene that weird though?

The fact he included it was "gruesome", his mind is obviously fab at writing that stuff

 

[Younisco]

Use pirate pad :3

 

[kkbubble]

Hello cubecraft forum browsers! some of you may remember me, kkbubble. A few months back I made my very own "farewell" thread when i said that i am "quitting" CCG. This thread is not related to that at all, in fact it's about something completely different. I need your guys's help.

I never liked school, I hate it in fact. Long ago I started feeling like college wasn't for me. I don't want to perpetuate a systemI dislike. I have however, always enjoyed writing. Recently I decided to start writing a book, my "out" of college.

I already have the main arc of the plot mapped out, and three major characters and a few minor characters. However I soon learned that writing a book was not nearly as easy I would have thought, /Irony. I have written quite a bit so far, around 15 pages on word i'd like to say? Much of it is unfinished as of yet. I only have around 4 chapters, and there is a lot of revision to do. In addition I need outside opinion. My friends and family are a good start, but i need more. A sample size akin to that of a realistic audience for books. Then it hit me. I have a huge sample size of people on these forums, and many of them know me well. I remember that there is a wide age variety, boys and girls, people from all around the world, here. And so here is the request i ask of you guys. I would like to post small bits of my project on here, up to a chapter at a time. Since it could be quite long, I'll post a link to a site where you can view it, so it doesn't take up pages on here. If you would be willing to read it, and post feedback, I'd be so grateful. post anything related to the book, your opinions, your predictions, anything. I highly encourage nit picking! point out any contradictions you see!

If this is advertising, or not allowed than I am very sorry, and will not do this, just please tell me now :).

Just as a forewarning this might be too complicated for some of our younger readers, in addition there is detailed battle scenes that some might find disturbing. Also there are quite a few Biblical references, i'll post a short description of what they mean with with the link. I will try to post on fridays, if ether is a change in schedule i'll update it in my status. And last but not least, thank you all.

The first thing I need help with is a way for me to post a link that just leads to a copy of the text I want to share...

wish i could edit the OP instead of just commenting on this...

 

[Aimee2323]

wish i could edit the OP instead of just commenting on this...

Eh, send it to me in pm and I'll edit it in

 

[kkbubble]

Eh, send it to me in pm and I'll edit it in

kk

 

[kkbubble]

posted the first part i want to share, its pretty rough, just the gist. its in the OP, a helpful mod edited it in

 

[kkbubble]

So...yeah

 

[Trickmaster]

"I could have...married a girl, had children on her."
Best line ever xD

But anyway, the intro seems a bit TOO deep and heavy in the beginning. Often you need to build up the darkness and heaviness to get a stronger effect on the reader, rather than shove it down their throats in the beginning. Also grammatically there are a TON of spaces where you put commas and its unnecessary. But for the story line, its not the fact that its too meaningful, but its TOO much in the beginning. Kind of like eating a meal, you should always have the small appetizing soup before you tackle the giant hamburger; otherwise the rest of the meal is a pain to get through.

I would redo the beginning and start off slower and more grudual, quietly imply feelings of regret and sadness, yet add some kind of hook to make the reader stay. Provoke interest with little bits, dont throw the heavy stuff in yet; throw it in later and then it will hit the reader harder.

 

[Aimee2323]

Also grammatically there are a TON of spaces where you put commas and its unnecessary.

^^
(TOLD YOU.)
I rage quit because the grammar annoyed me..