Are we doing okay on this excellent day? So, apparently I have been gone for around nine months or so. Yes, the rumours are true - I was pregnant. Also, I'm not dead! So, where have I been?
First of all, I should apologise for my unexplained absence. Apparently, some of ya'll thought I had died which, given the status I left on, was not the worst possible guess, I suppose. But the truth is that, suffering from chronic depression, social anxiety disorder and gender dysphoria, I decided to take leave from the internet - forever. Indeed, I cut all ties with former friends, wanting to be somebody else. Hell, I even wrote this on my door:
You don't need to tell me - I know. My handwriting is awesome.
When I arrived back in Brighton, I spontaneously agreed to lodge in a wonderful couple's home for a month. During this time, I began studying French, practicing my drawing skills, and writing a story called Arendine Sink (It's about a vampire, it's really neat!) But alas, I could not shake off my depression and dysphoria, nor my existential crisis: "What is the point of me? What is the point of the universe? Why bother, when nothing matters? (Oh, and I forgot all the French I had learned.)
I tried religion (church didn't go so well), philosophy (the stoics made me cry), then finally... Genetics.
Genetics is awesome. I have been self-teaching Genetics for around seven months now, and already feel I have learned so much! I intend to pursue a Genetics undergrad after I've finished English. Our genomes, composed of roughly 20,449 genes, are 99.9% identical to one another's, with even greater similarities between family relations. These 20,000+ genes are composed of 3.2B base pairs, and share a 99% relation to Pan Troglodytes (Chimpanzee). Is that not the coolest thing ever??? If there are any Genetics nerds here, I would love to nerd out with you.
I also started gardening, joining my university's agriculture society. Gardening is like when you squirm into a freshly-made bed with shaved legs, your face still wet from the steam of a hot shower- but for the brain. I have grown lettuces (I named each and every one - Harper was my favourite!!) and tomatoes; pruned gooseberry bushes (receiving many cuts); and foraged for tea nettles.
I discovered Chess last October. I'm addicted, so even though I hate losing, I can't stop playing it. Also, I am now vegan, and a biospheric egalitarian. In other words, I live off a diet of grass and twigs now - but hey, no need to buy a lawnmower, I guess!
Last November, I started taking anti-depressants - disaster. Last month, I started taking different anti-depressants - not a disaster! They have actually helped a lot! Anti-depressants can be very trial-and-error, so don't be discouraged if your first few drugs don't have a big effect. Oh, I've also begun attending a youth service, and found part-time work teaching creative writing to classrooms in the local area. My confidence has grown tremendously, and dysphoria has stopped bugging me so much! :)
My grades last year were terrible - I averaged a 68%, receiving a heart-breaking 63% on a Jane Eyre essay. I have since received all 70%+ grades this year, increasing my work schedule from a couple of hours a day to upwards of twelve hours a day. It has been hell, and I have been stressed and depressed for pretty much the past year now - but I'm doing my best!
What now?
Now, I'm going to finish my assessments for this term. I am going to continue my Genetics studies, and pursue a Genetics degree. I am going to continue teaching creative writing to classrooms. I am going to actually unlock my fullest potential for the first time in my stupid, pointless life, and perhaps become the greatest human being who ever lived. But above all else, I am going to create so many memes for this website. Some of them will be good... but most of them will be terrible! <3
I suppose the moral of this very stupid, pointless and Sophie-esque thread is that you should never stop trying. I understand depression is a common condition (hell, who isn't depressed, or on pills, nowadays?) and anxiety disorders are rampant. I also understand that being told "it gets easier" or "it gets better" is the most frustrating, shut-the-hell-up-I'm-not-like-everybody-else-I'm-worse thing to hear. But it really does get easier - so long as you want it to, and you work at it every day. That's the difficult bit.
So, that's where Sophie has been. Sorry, you almost got rid of me for good. Oh, happy holidays, thank you for my birthday wishes, happy easter, and... look over there! April Fools.
Now I time to write up a thread on everything wrong with the Cubecraft community. Because, you know, I've only been gone for nine months so I'm clearly the most qualified person for the job. Afterwards, I'll probably write a thread on how to not die during this whole end-of-the-world thing that's happening, and perhaps a thread on the best ways to cook spaghetti. Oh, and a thread on all the wonderful ways this quarantine can make you a better person!
Thank you for reading my stupid, pointless thread. I have missed all you stuped people so very much. <3
